My “39” bucket list - update 1

 Today I had a new friend say to me, “I like when other families understand our crazy.” I tell you what, I loved that statement so much! Being able to let your guard down to love and be loved is such a special gift that I never want to take for granted. It is not something that is easy to do, but when the chance comes along: I take it! 

Even though this is a bucket list update, it is also just a reminder to myself that in the hard seasons of life, there are so many gifts right in front of us. We just need to make the time to appreciate them. (Hence, the bucket list). 

So, here’s the update:

Number 21. Write 39 (snail mail) letters: 35 to go💌

I’ve written 4: 1 to a dear friend who still takes the time to write letters and I wanted her to get one in return, 1 to my favorite aunt from Florida, and 2 thank you letters. I am horrible at letting people know how thankful I am for them in a letter, so I’m working on that!

Number 33: Make a new friend✔️

We started our summer small group/ mommy and me playtime, and I already made a couple new friends! I have already been blessed by meeting them, and can’t wait to get to know them better... I think I’m changing #33 to: Make lots of new friends!

Number 4: take Hanna Joy to the American Girl Store ✔️

With 6 kids, 1 on 1 time tends to be in short supply, but adding it in to the bucket list makes it a priority.  This little trip was exactly what I needed and it was perfect that I got to check something off of the list too!

I  just mentioned letting your guard down to love and be loved and I got to do that and celebrate my girl! HJ and I went to the city with Amma(my mom), and Danielle and Annabelle, our heart friends. (You know, the kind that feels like family, even if they’re not really related). 

Our a adventure in to the city wasn’t just a quick trip to the store and then we left. I don’t really do things that way. I’m an all or nothing kind of girl. So, we made it an experience to be remembered. 

The first thing on the agenda was brunch, obviously. So, we went in to the city and got to Orange. This place makes me so happy!! Everything from the cucumber water, to the frushi, to the orange infused coffee, to the different theme pancake flight(this week was Avenger theme), to the scramble is a flavor explosion in your face. It was worth every minute of the hour that it took to find a parking spot.

Then we moved on to our 3 hour tour of all things American Girl. Thanks to my sis and awesome niece for letting HJ borrow their American Girl(and all of her accessories), we had such an incredible time. The cafe was so much fun and the girls even got to decorate cupcakes for themselves and their dolls. 

It was quite an adventurous day with an awesome brunch, lack of parking, a lost doll(she was found), yummy food, good deals at the Disney store, beautiful weather, fun with friends and fam, lots of laughter, and did I mention yummy food?

Hanna Joy had a great year in kindergarten, but it was kind of a tough finish. Which is why I was so glad that we could have such a fun trip celebrating life and enjoying each other. I really love being her mom and taking her on adventures! I can’t wait for the next one with her!

Also, if you’re still reading, I have a question...

One thing on my bucket list is to do a random act of kindness each week.  I might write about a few of them, but is it ok if I don’t really broadcast those? I never want to do a random act of kindness just to write about it.  I mean, as long as I promise that I am doing at least one random act of kindness each week, right?

This bucket list has already been so much fun! Stay tuned for the next adventure on my little hot mess express😉🌪🚂💛

My "39" bucket list

I'm pretty sure that all of my friends who helped me create my bucket list have been waiting with baited breath for the finished product. After a month of planning, dreaming, and narrowing it down, I finally have my list. Just kidding! May has just been really busy, crazy, hard, and did I mention busy?  So, I wanted to put my list on a blog as a way to hold myself accountable to actually completing it.  I am really excited about the adventures that are ahead of me and I am really ready to enjoy my last year in my 30's. Writing this list has already challenged me. I am nervous about starting this list because I want to follow through on all of these things perfectly. I'm an "all or nothing" kind of girl and sometimes when I think I am not going to do something 100%, then I don't do it at all.  If anyone is reading this, will you hold me accountable to this list? Also, would you ask me if I am having fun being 39? (because that is the goal!)

1. Plan a getaway with the hubs
2. Go on a Girls Trip
3. Take a writing class
4. Take Hanna Joy to the American Girl Store
5. Go to a Cubs game
6. Eat something I’ve never tried before
7. Meet up with an old friend
8. Go on a 10 mile bike ride
9. Take a Fall adventure
10. See the city lights at Christmas
11. Dance under the stars
12. Get Published
13. Play something with Jennavieve that is messy
14. Do something that challenges me out of my comfort zone...without complaining
15. Take a dance class
16. Once a week Random Act of Kindness
17. Indoor skydiving
18. Go on a Zip Line Adventure
19. Write a letter to each kid to give to them on their 18th birthday
20. Run a race
21. Write 39 Snail Mail letters(just for fun)
22. Be an extra in a movie
23. Read 39 books this year...including some classics and some re-reads from childhood
24. Write a letter to myself to be opened in 10 years with pictures of the family
25. Take Drake somewhere to learn more about trucks, etc.
26. Perform in a public performance
27. Keep a blog documenting the adventures of the big 3-9
28. Learn something new(TBD)
29. Plan a cousin get-together
30. Watch a sunrise and a sunset...same day but different states
31. Plan and do a service project with friends
32. Take Lucas on an adventure
33. Make a new friend
34. Take time to learn about a cause that I don’t agree with(to confirm or deny my current feelings)
35. Interview several aunts and uncles about their childhood(s) and their thoughts on their parents
36. See a movie with Damion in the theater(his choice)
37. Say sorry to someone(and mean it), even if I don’t want to
38. Have a party, just for fun
39. Go camping

Just in case you need a reminder...

The other day my 6 year old was falling apart...again. I got on her...again. She has been whiney and angry and I've been trying to "fix it”...again. We've had a lot going on around our house and she is emotional, tired, and has had a lot of Valentine's candy. She was getting out of the shower, and putting her cute bunny eared towel on. I was threatening discipline if the whining continued, and that was when she said, "I never do anything right! I just feel like I am the worst in the family. You don't even like me."

My first thought was, "Woah! Where did that come from? She knows I love her, and its time for bed." Instead of rushing through the moment, I got down on my knees in front of her, in her cute little bunny ears, and asked her if she knew what a gift she was. I looked her in the eyes and explained how much I love her. I told her the story about the first time I saw her precious face, and how I knew that my life was changed forever because her. I explained that I don't know what I would do without her in my life. I told her that it didn't matter if she never made another good choice again, I would still love her. I told her that sometimes I look at her and feel like my heart could burst I love her so much! I explained to her that I can love her so much because God gave us love to share. By that time she was smilling and we were hugging. I think she heard me in that moment, but I am certain we will have that talk again. I'm ok with that because I never want her to forget how much I love her!

Then it hit me that just the day before, I was standing in my kitchen whining at God. Telling Him that I felt invisible. I've been praying prayers that I felt were bouncing off the ceiling and coming back to hit me in the head. I was angry, felt unnoticed, and guilty because I was failing at everything I did. I wasn't parenting how I knew I should, my house wasn't clean like I wanted it to be, I wasn't eating healthy (because its hard, and I just want all of the carbs), my hard situations(that I've been praying over) aren't changing, and I was ANGRY! Did I mention I was angry? Wow...I was sounding a little (lot) like my 6 year old.

What my little one didn't know was that as I was talking to her, something in my heart was reminding me that God feels the very same about me. He never asked me to be perfect. He loves me just the way I am. That is a really hard concept for me. I've always been a perfectionist and want gold stars for my good choices, and I want bad choices to be disciplined. Notice that I didn't say I wanted my bad choices disciplined?

Psalm 46:10 reminds me to Be Still and Know that He is God. He wants me to take my cares to Him and never asks me to earn His love in any way. He knelt down in front of me that day and reminded me that, just like I will never love my little one any less, He loves me even more that that! I don't need to be perfect and I don't need all of my prayers answered my way to rest in that. Just like the good daddy that He is, God will have to remind me of this again. For today, I'm going to rest in His love. Will you too?

What I want my daughter to know this election season...

The other day my 5 year old daughter came home and said, "I hate Donald Trump!" Immediately I said, "Whoa, we don't hate anyone!"

I love politics, history, and this great country we live in, but I try very hard not to talk politics in front of my kids.  It is very important to me that they grow up to be learners so that they can make their own informed decision.  Also, I don't necessarily think the world needs a 5 year old's version of my point of view.

What I do know is that this election has been so venomous that my daughter came home telling people that she hated one of the candidates.  It wouldn't have mattered to me which candidate she was talking about.  I don't want hate in my house! (We have enough fighting as it is!)

We are working hard to raise daughters who are strong, independent, self-confident, competent in their decision making, and amazing women of God. We are also working hard to raise boys who are respectful, honest, strong, and amazing men of God.  We all fall short in our pursuit.  The goal is NOT perfection, but growth and hope in Jesus.   Hate will only cloud their view.

So, my little girly and I talked about how important it is to show people love, and pray for them.  I want my daughter to learn that no matter who the leader of our country is, we pray for them.  Being the president is a big job, and they can use all of the prayers they can get.

We've lived through bad presidents before, and I am not worried about the result of this election because, "My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness..."

If anyone takes time to read this, can I encourage you to remind your kids (and maybe yourself) that when we speak venomous words it really just hurts ourselves and those around us. Spreading hate will never make this world a better place for the ones we love.




"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land."  2 Chronicles 7:14

Mother's Day with a twist

Mother's Day is a day that brings a lot of mixed emotions for me.  If it weren't for the work of 3 other women, I wouldn't be celebrating.  In fact, I would probably be very depressed.  I love celebrating with my kiddos and I love seeing them grow and change just like any other mother. However, as a foster/adoptive mom, there are 3 other women who had that role before me.  Sometimes I like to use my imagination and pretend like I have had each one since the beginning so that I could shield them(and myself) from any hurt or pain, but Mother's Day reminds me of the gifts I have been given as well as the reality of the brokenness that comes with this life.

So, I thought I would share a small glimpse of what this looks like with my family and friends. Here it goes:

My almost 7 year old was being really silly and having a hard time calming himself down yesterday morning(Mother's Day). So, I called him in to my bathroom to chat with me as I got ready for church.  I asked him what was going on and why he was having such a hard time obeying today.  He said, "I miss mommy _____________"(leaving name out for privacy).  In my mind I thought, "of course, it's Mother's Day." He came to us at 4.5 so he had the most time with his bio-mom out of all of our kids.  I said to him that I bet he does and asked him what he would get her for Mother's Day if he could.  He pointed to my makeup bag and said, "this".  I asked if she liked wearing makeup, and he said that she would when they had their visits.  I explained to him that I was thankful for her and that if she never would have had him in her tummy and been his mommy first, then I wouldn't get to be his mommy now.  That was when he made my heart melt by saying, "that's what I'm going to give her for Mother's Day; I'm going to be thankful for her."  I hugged him and told him that I love him so much, and he went on his way. He actually had an awesome day after that.  So much going on in his sweet little head, and he just needed to be heard.

This made me remember one day when I was having a hard day with my oldest 2. I took them for a walk because we all needed some fresh air.  I had read a devotion that morning about being the perfect mom for the kids you have, not being a perfect mom. During my walk, I stopped the stroller and got down in front of my then 2 and 3 year old. I looked at them and said, "I am the perfect mommy for you and you are the perfect kids for me." Obviously, I was speaking mostly to myself.  So, yesterday reminded me of this little walk and the journey of mothering that I have been on.  I don't have to be a perfect mom, I just need to be the perfect mom for my kids.  While remembering that they are the perfect kids for me.  The blessings and challenges are there to help me grow, not to make me crazy.  I have to admit, sometimes I don't deal with this as well as I could, and I just need a good cry.  Most days, I can say that I am truly thankful for the way that God has created my family and I love being a mommy to this crazy crew.

I hope everyone had a fabulous Mother's Day!  It doesn't matter how your family came together...it is a blessing and it is perfect for you!

"This is the day that the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24

The sanctity of a birth story

One of my joys in life is the fact that I get to be a mom! Maybe a lot of people think this is silly, but for as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom and my dream car has always been a mini-van. There are days where I remember that this is what my heart has longed for, and then there are days when I really need to remind myself that this is what I prayed for.:)

Jason and I celebrated our ten year anniversary this past summer, and we spent some time talking about what we dreamed about 10 years ago. Life didn't go the way we planned, but it's so much richer, deeper, better, and crazier than we ever could have planned!! One of the things that we didn't plan was the way we would become parents. We've never been able to birth children, but we have children "of our own". We have 5 kids...2 adopted almost 7 years ago, 2 that will be legally adopted finally this spring, and 1 sweet baby that we are "fostering". I don't care about their title...they are mine, because God chose me to love them for however long they are in my home.

Something that I struggle with is protecting the sanctity of their birth story. All 5 of my babies are miracles! They all have a beautiful story of redemption and grace...but so does every child. From what I hear, the birthing process is not easy. Each child is a beautiful testimony that miracles still happen on this earth! So, when people come up to me and want details about my children's history I have to assess: Are you asking me this because you care about my child, or are you asking this because you want to judge a birth parent? Forgive me for my diatribe, but yesterday I had a woman I barely know come up to me and say, "I hear you are fostering..."and proceeded to tell me things that she had heard about my baby. Here's the thing, these 5 kiddos are not the sum of a sad story. We all have a story to tell, but it's ours to tell. I want my kiddos to have their own story to tell. We have always been very open with our kids about their story, and that they are here through the miracle of adoption, but in a way that protects their heart and gives a hope and a future. I want their story to be a part of who they are, not the defining moment of their life.

Adoption is beautiful and amazing and I love that God uses it here and now to show his love for the "fatherless". In our home we have 5 kids who could have been defined by that term, but they aren't! They have been given an earthly father(and mother) who loves them like crazy, and we get to share with them the love of an eternal father...because in this life we all can feel many emotions about our "birth story". We live in a broken world with lots of sad stories. We don't have to be defined by them. We can face the day like the miracle we are, or we can let "our story" define us. I know what I am choosing! And I am also choosing to pass this a long to my kids!

I'm protecting the sanctity of their birth story, not because of the miracle, but because in it I choose to worship the "Miracle Giver."


"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us." Eph 1:4-8

New Year's Resolutions

Today when I woke up, I knew I wanted to update my blog. It is one of my New Year's Resolutions...I want to be a blogger. I started this blog about 4 years ago and I have blogged 5 times. It has been over 2 years since I have blogged and A LOT has changed. 2 years ago I had 2 kids. Now, I have 5. 2 years ago coffee was a treat. Now, coffee is a necessity. 2 years ago I thought a trip to the grocery store was a process. Now, a trip to the grocery store consists of 2 carts lots, of food and formula, and many helpers. 2 years ago I thought I loved my husband A LOT...Now I see that my love and respect for him continues to grow and grow and grow! Our journey in parenting feels like kind of a mix of a circus, a roller coaster ride,a school, a coffee shop, a bakery, and a hotel, etc.
When I woke up this morning I heard baby girl(BG) making noises so I got out of bed to check on her. I saw that the sun was shining and thought, "It's going to be a great Friday". I go to walk out of my room and our 6 yr old (who loves trucks...so we'll call him Big Truck, or BT) came up to me to give me a big hug and to tell me that he loved me. awww... Then, all of a sudden I felt my foot being grabbed by a bag that was on the floor. It entangled me and propelled me forward. I'm still holding on to BT and I tried to move him out of my way. I'm sure shrieks of horror were coming out of my mouth. As I move BT out of my way I realize inertia has set in(an object in motion stays in motion until something stops it). I was the object, and the something that was about to stop me was my seven year old(Moose). I grabbed him and we danced around in what probably looked like some wild animal dance and I fell. I knew I was about to land on him, so I leaned him to the left and took the blow to my right hand. I just stayed on the ground in a pile of laughing and crying. I realized I was ok, and I got up. Moose had a minor injury to his mouth from moving him out of the way. Then I hear my hubby telling my 8 yr old (D) not to laugh. He said he wasn't and that he knew it wasn't funny. Then taking my almost 2 yr old(Monkey) up to play time, I bent down to look for something under his train table and realized, I also have a skinned knee.
I'm telling this story:
1)because it includes every member of my family
2)because it consists of me being vulnerable...which is another New Year's Resolution
3)I guess it's pretty funny because when I called J, he had just finished telling his boss:)