The other day my 6 year old was falling apart...again. I got on her...again. She has been whiney and angry and I've been trying to "fix it”...again. We've had a lot going on around our house and she is emotional, tired, and has had a lot of Valentine's candy. She was getting out of the shower, and putting her cute bunny eared towel on. I was threatening discipline if the whining continued, and that was when she said, "I never do anything right! I just feel like I am the worst in the family. You don't even like me."
My first thought was, "Woah! Where did that come from? She knows I love her, and its time for bed." Instead of rushing through the moment, I got down on my knees in front of her, in her cute little bunny ears, and asked her if she knew what a gift she was. I looked her in the eyes and explained how much I love her. I told her the story about the first time I saw her precious face, and how I knew that my life was changed forever because her. I explained that I don't know what I would do without her in my life. I told her that it didn't matter if she never made another good choice again, I would still love her. I told her that sometimes I look at her and feel like my heart could burst I love her so much! I explained to her that I can love her so much because God gave us love to share. By that time she was smilling and we were hugging. I think she heard me in that moment, but I am certain we will have that talk again. I'm ok with that because I never want her to forget how much I love her!
Then it hit me that just the day before, I was standing in my kitchen whining at God. Telling Him that I felt invisible. I've been praying prayers that I felt were bouncing off the ceiling and coming back to hit me in the head. I was angry, felt unnoticed, and guilty because I was failing at everything I did. I wasn't parenting how I knew I should, my house wasn't clean like I wanted it to be, I wasn't eating healthy (because its hard, and I just want all of the carbs), my hard situations(that I've been praying over) aren't changing, and I was ANGRY! Did I mention I was angry? Wow...I was sounding a little (lot) like my 6 year old.
What my little one didn't know was that as I was talking to her, something in my heart was reminding me that God feels the very same about me. He never asked me to be perfect. He loves me just the way I am. That is a really hard concept for me. I've always been a perfectionist and want gold stars for my good choices, and I want bad choices to be disciplined. Notice that I didn't say I wanted my bad choices disciplined?
Psalm 46:10 reminds me to Be Still and Know that He is God. He wants me to take my cares to Him and never asks me to earn His love in any way. He knelt down in front of me that day and reminded me that, just like I will never love my little one any less, He loves me even more that that! I don't need to be perfect and I don't need all of my prayers answered my way to rest in that. Just like the good daddy that He is, God will have to remind me of this again. For today, I'm going to rest in His love. Will you too?
1 comment:
Thank you for sharing!
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