Don’t Be Afraid of the Battle

I was laying next to my 7 year as she fell asleep the other night and I became overwhelmed by emotion. I wanted to take away anything that ever hurt her and anything that she would ever struggle with in the future. I can’t even imagine how God feels about each one of us. He’s right there next to us in the middle of our storms, and in the middle of our battles. Every single storm and every single battle! Whether we are right in the middle, the storm is brewing, or it just dissipated.

I’m painting a pretty serene view of my sweet one falling asleep, but let me zoom out so you can visualize the whole picture. My 7 year old was in our room on the floor in her made up bed because her 4 year old sister keeps her awake. Naturally the 4 year old was in our room too because she doesn’t want to be alone (remember this is a judgement free zone, right?). She’s loud and needs to sing and talk to fall asleep, while her big sister is frustrated under her sleep mask and sound cancelling headphones. This isn’t the first time that they are exact opposite, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. What they had in common was a need for sleep.

At this point, I had told the girls more than 10 times that they needed to be quiet and go to sleep. As I am covering my 4 year old for the 14th time, I peek over at my big girl and see that she’s starting to fall asleep and looks so peaceful. She felt safe, warm, secure, and finally gave in to sweet slumber. Seeing my kids sleep always brings me back to when they were babies. It didn’t matter how hard the day had been, when they were sleeping, they looked like angels. It always gave me what I need to go to bed and start everything over fresh the next day. Usually the feeling that comes along with seeing sleeping big kids is relief. The feeling that they are asleep and it is finally quiet in my house. However, last night, I looked at her and felt so emotional. I envisioned the road ahead of her and knew that she was going to have to face a lot of battles, as we all do.

In that moment I wanted to stand in front of that road. I wanted take away all of the hard and the bad and sad. I prayed, “God help her overcome her battles.”  What I meant was, “God protect her, keep her safe, keep her pure, make her journey easy, take away any bad, make friendships easy, keep bad guys away from her, and let her have a picture perfect life.” I know most of us don’t say these things out loud. However, if we boiled it down, this is the prayer that we pray for ourselves (and our favorite people in our lives). Almost immediately God gave me something so loud and clear that I knew I had to share. It wasn’t an audible voice, but it was a whisper straight to my soul. He said,

“It’s not about overcoming the battle...It’s about knowing there will always be battles...TRUST that God has already won!”

We have been given the victory! It is my job as her mama to teach her that she has every weapon she’ll ever need to fight those battles and come out victorious. Shoot, I need to remind myself, right?!

Looking in Ephesians 6 at the armor of God, I am reminded that we are fully covered when we put the armor on. When you check out the armor of God, let your focus land on verse 15.

“And as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.”

Friends, we put on shoes. Is it that simple? Is peace something we put on? Peace comes when we know the truth of the gospel. We have victory because Jesus came, lived, died,and rose. That gives us the victory. In. Every. Circumstance.

Maybe I am taking some liberties with the translation, maybe not, but this is what hit me when I read it. In the midst of the battles, put on peace, and then be ready to share it. The gospel of Peace is Jesus. When you look at your loved ones, and when you look in the mirror, put on peace. Go forth and march through the battles with the knowledge and understanding that you have the victory. Hold on to the fact that you have every weapon you need put on those shoes fitted with peace and walk in that Victory!

We know that battles are not be easy but we have the opportunity to show what the Lord can(will) do! Don’t be afraid of the battles. He’s writing a better story than any of us can, and if we let Him, those battles turn in to the best part of the story.

Finally both of my girls were asleep, and I had a new perspective. If I want to see my little ones change the world, I have to teach them how to battle. Friends, don’t be afraid of the battle. Change the world with us? The battle is the Lord’s. Put on peace and let us walk in the VICTORY!

Not a failure

Do you know what I hate? I hate failure! But what I’m coming to realize is that I hate my definition of failure. Failure in my eyes doesn’t make me a failure in God’s eyes. Anyone else want to be content and rest in that? Tripping and falling does not disqualify us from a race. It is when we get stuck in the fall, that we stop running.  

If our treasures lay in our successes, then every opportunity is just another chance to fail. If our treasure is Jesus, then every opportunity will be victorious, because He is the victory! We can hold on to this even if we are in the midst of the valley. Sometimes our adventure exists because of the valley. Do we really want to be held back from our adventure because of the fear of failure, or just fear in general?

My nine year old is an adventurer at heart. He loves a big challenge. He climbs trees, roller blades, hikes, bikes, jumps, and does anything that makes a “good” mama gasp. However, in the midst of his thrill seeking he tends to get a head of himself and trips and falls a lot. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times he has missed the first step going in to our house because he is rushing to get to his next adventure. He falls a lot, but I have never seen him hold himself back because he might fail. He just hops back up on those roller blades and tries to jump off that curb again, or climbs that tree from a different angle. I am so inspired by this. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and think, “I could have done a lot of risky and adventurous things, but at least I didn’t fail.” 

Jesus gives us grace upon grace upon grace...why, then, does it feel so hard to give grace to ourselves? Just like my little buddy, how are we brushing the dust off and trying again, or getting up and facing life from a different angle?

In The Soul of Shame, by Curt Thompson, MD, he reminds us that when Jesus says, “Do not judge or you too will be judged.”(Matthew 7:1) that also includes judging ourselves. We are not the judge, so we can’t condemn ourselves. 

Some of my most frustrating days were early on in mothering when I judged myself so severely for everything I did “wrong” and every time I “failed” my kids. If I lost my temper one time, I spent the rest of the day berating myself for failing my kids. I know that I struggled to give myself the grace that Jesus promises so generously. I know that perfection isn’t a real option for humanity, but I still struggle wanting my version of it. A lot of years (and a lot of kids) have helped me to see that my definition of perfection isn’t God’s. He loves me and wants to use these imperfections to draw me to Him. He just loves us so much. It blows me away!

Jesus said in John 8, “Let him without sin cast the first stone.“ I can’t even imagine what an incredible moment that would have been when Jesus declared this statement. He was looking at a women who was caught in sin, and she knew the law said to stone her, but one moment with Jesus changed her life. One moment with Jesus gave her life. I need to remind myself again, “Let him without sin cast the first stone.” So, why am I constantly casting stones at myself?

We can live set free every day. Jesus reminded that woman that He didnt’ condemn her. He set her free. Let’s live free today. Take time every day to remember that it is God we’re resting in and not our own power. He sets us free to run this race, and tripping doesn’t mean we failed. It means we have an opportunity to hop up and do it again from a different angle. Take the pressure off, and try again. Remember, we are not failures, we just get another chance to be adventurous. Let’s celebrate the different angles that we are going to try today.  

Shame is a Beast

I love seeing the world through the eyes of my little girls, and I thought that’s what I was doing the other night. I took 2 little “Belles” to see a high school production of Beauty and the Beast. It quickly became clear to me that I was going to see more than the view through their eyes.

We weren’t more than a minute in to the play when I was struck by words used to describe the Beast. The narrator was saying, “ashamed, he hid away and locked himself in the castle.” I never realized that the Beast wasn’t a prisoner in the castle bound by the spell. He was a prisoner of his own shame and guilt. I couldn’t believe I had never made that connection before. He was able to go out and find love(th love that would set him free) but he chose to stay imprisoned by his own guilt and shame. Shame is a terrible burden to bear. Especially because we were never meant to bear it on our own. 

I am aware that what I am describing here is based on a fictional character, but I think we all have seen (and maybe become) a beast in the midst of fear and shame. What we’ve done, or what has been done to us, does not have to define us. The hurt, the pain, the fears, the lies, the burden can all be removed by love.

There is a love that is so amazing that it overwhelms our shame and sets us free. Most people don’t have a rose that is dying to remind them that they are running short on time to be set free from a “spell.” However, we do have relationships that aren’t growing, friendships that aren’t getting any deeper, and hearts that are growing colder because shame cloaks us in fear and pain. 

I have experienced shame placed on me and, in my least favorite parts of me, I have shamed others. It breaks my heart  to know that, but I truly desire to live set free, and to see others free, as well.

My family and I have gone through some hard seasons. We’ve dealt with things that can be perceived as (and are) shameful. When I share our story, and others start to share their story with me, I have heard so many people say things like, “you wouldn’t believe the shame that I have carried because of _____(fill in the blank)_____.” Some have carried these burdens alone for years and years. I’m finding out that when we share our burdens with others, it doesn’t weigh us down. Actually makes the load lighter knowing we have someone willing to walk alongside of us. Even though sometimes it looks perfect (or even like a castle on the outside) our hearts can be locked up on the inside. 

So many times we let fear, doubt, shame, and lies spoken over us define us, but we don’t have to any more. We can be set free because Jesus came to nail sin and shame to the cross. One of my favorite worship songs repeats the lyrics, “who the Son sets free, is free indeed. I am a child of God.” We can walk forward knowing that we can lay our burdens down at the cross every day if we need to. Until we can leave it there without even trying. 

1 Peter 4:8 reminds us that love covers a multitude of sins. That love can come from us, but perfect love (the Love that casts out all fear - 1 John 4:18) is from the Father above. We are not defined by a moment (or moments) that tried to steal who God created us to be. We are defined by the work on the cross, that bore the weight of all our sin and shame. 

I wanted to run up and tell the Beast that He could be set free, but then I remembered it was just a play. So, I sat and enjoyed it when the Beast had to take a courageous step to tell Belle how he felt about her, and said, “I’m afraid she might laugh at me.” To that, Lumier answered, “I’m afraid you’re going to have to do it anyway.” 

Fear can keep us from diving in and receiving the blessing that comes from being set free. We can be stuck inside the prison of our shame and not even realize that we are the ones who put ourselves there. What was done to us is not our fault, and the things that we’ve done are forgiven as soon as we ask. So we can raise our heads up and let true love work in all of the dark places that created that beast. Let yourself out of the prison of guilt and shame, be brave to take the next step, and be transformed by real love that takes all of the fear and shame away. Let’s live as the royalty we were meant to be. Shame is a Beast, but you are a Beauty. Unlock the doors and be set free!

You are not a failure

Is anyone else trying to find the peace of Christmas (or perfection)in the midst of Christmas parties, sporting events, finals, Christmas programs, work, housework, present wrapping, cleaning, baking, and all of the other fun things that come with "the most wonderful time of the year." No pressure, right? I was thinking about this the other night as my 7th grader was studying for his history final. He kept using the word "crucial" to define the Roman government in the 1st century. I figured out that he was trying to say "cruel." I couldn't help but think about how many cruel things in our lives are we carrying as though they are crucial? How many of those things are brought on by our own expectations or harsh self-destructive thoughts. We are cruel to ourselves so often and think that it is crucial to be so, but those words don't have to be related at all. It is crucial for us to stay close to Jesus, and it is cruel to expect ourselves to be perfect. 

Does anyone else go to bed and lay there thinking of all the things you wish you would have done differently that day? Does your mind race about the way you responded to your child, or co-worker, the way you made dinner, the way you lost your temper, the way you said something to a friend, the way a project turned out, they way you "fill-in-the-blank here"? Do you process all of the ways you would have done those things differently? Those days aren't failures because we messed up a time or two. 

So many of us are walking around with expectations of perfection on ourselves, and when 1 thing goes wrong, it ruins everything. Sometimes the best parts of any holiday (or any day) are the moments that don't go as expected. Our family was having our Christmas kickoff celebration, and my mom gave us our word for the year. The word is "Dance," so we were having a dance party. The whole family was dancing, and I was getting a great video of it. I stepped up on my sister's chair, that I didn't realize was on wheels. I flailed around, let out a loud noise, and fell on my face. The dance party stopped and I laid there face down for a few seconds. Some of my family members thought I died, but I couldn't get up because I was laughing so hard at myself. When my family thinks back on the time that I fell on my face, they won't forget that it was during a dance party, and the word this year was "Dance." Hopefully that reminds them to dance, even if they've fallen on their faces.

I've heard it say that "peace begins when expectations end." I would like to take that a step further and remind us where that peace comes from. John 16:33 reminds us that in Jesus we have peace. The world gives us trouble, but He has overcome this world. This world is cruel enough, we don't need to add to it by being cruel to ourselves. Failing doesn’t make us a failure. Those moments, if we let them, lead us to trust in the source of peace and truth. In this season, and in the coming new year, it is "crucial" to rest in His peace. Even if you've fallen on your face, you are not a failure. He never asked for your perfection. Peace can be yours in the midst of all of the expectations. Get up, and remember that you can overcome, because Jesus came. 

A Perfectly/Imperfect Christmas

Just in case I haven’t shared yet, Christmas is my favorite time of the year! Christmas music is playing everywhere, and people are worshiping the Savior (maybe not even knowing it).“Joy to the World,” “Silent Night,” “Go Tell it on the Mountain” proclaim the truth of Jesus. However, every billboard, commercial, and ad shows us what we need in order to have “the perfect Christmas.” If we have the right gifts, the perfect decor, the best behaved children, in the cutest matching jammies, then, and only then, will our Christmas be perfect. Isn’t that the goal?

Sometimes I get stuck on the imperfections of daily life and worry about everything not going as planned. I don’t know about anyone else, but things don’t usually go as planned. Last week the end of my Christmas lights went out on the stairs, so I stopped plugging them in. I didn’t want them on at all if they weren’t perfect. I don’t try to make perfection the goal, but that darn perfectionism tends to sneak in without me even noticing. All of the things that I enjoy at Christmas can also be the things that take away my joy because I become so obsessed with trying to make them “perfect.” The gifts, the parties, the outfits, the pictures, and the concerts are supposed to remind us of Jesus but sometimes they just distract us from the real meaning of Christmas. 

Last night I was at one of those concerts. To be honest, I was not necessarily looking forward to this school concert. Don’t get me wrong, I love all things Christmas, especially the music, but my 3 year old was home sick. Also, it’s just hard to motivate this tribe to dress up, behave, and perform in the middle of the week, let alone in the middle of December. The kids were all dressed up and ready to sing. Then, something happened to me while I was sitting in the audience watching my babies belt out Christmas songs. I couldn’t stop crying. All of the emotions of the season just hit me, and I thought about Mary and what the first Christmas was really like. Luke 2:19 says that Mary treasured up all of these things, pondering them in her heart. I was treasuring those moments of watching my kids sing their hearts out, and thinking about how silly it is for me to want perfection. Those little singing babies were so perfectly/imperfect, and I loved every minute. As I was listening to my 3rd grader sing a song called, “How far is it to Bethlehem,” I realized that I wanted to treasure more and perfect less. The answer to the the question in the song was, “its really not that far.” Perfection is not attainable, but Jesus is never far.

I cannot even imagine how imperfect things seemed on that first Christmas. Nothing was nicely tied in a bow and placed systematically under a tree, and yet Mary treasured it all. She stored it away because she knew in her heart how wonderful that day truly was. 

So this year, can we help each other remember that Jesus is right here with us, and the whole point of Christmas is not perfection, but Jesus’ birth? Can we be more like Mary and treasure and ponder in the midst of the imperfectly perfect nights? I’m leaving my half lit lights up and I am plugging them in every day to remind myself that it doesn’t have to be perfect to celebrate the child in a manger who is our Prince of Peace.

Joy to the World?

Browsing through social media for 3 minutes reminds us that there are tragedies all around us. The news is full of real life stories of loss, sadness, and pain. Our own personal lives have stories that we have shared (or kept to ourselves) that don’t have happy endings. So, how do we find joy, especially during Christmas?  

I have always wondered how people walk through the death of a child or a really hard situation with their kids, and still hold on to joy. Well, I had an opportunity to learn. We faced one of the hardest seasons of our life not too long ago, and I had to learn how to choose joy. Our second born was in a really hard season, so hard that it lead us to placing him in a residential treatment facility for a 1 year program. Everything in my life was turned upside down. I prayed so many prayers for my son, and it felt like God wasn’t listening. I really struggled finding God in the midst of a situation that felt so hopeless. Yet God met me in my hurt and my pain in such a real way, that I couldn’t deny that it was Him. I was sad and broken-hearted, but God reminded me that my circumstances aren’t where my joy comes from.  

It seems like every conversation I have had lately is about they heaviness of the burdens people are carrying. So many people have prayers that are seemingly unanswered, but are they? We live in a world that tells us that our circumstances lead to our happiness, but more often than not, its our pain that leads us to a place of answered prayer. 

Joy is truly found when you look for it. How many people missed out on the importance of Jesus’ birth? I like to ask myself if I would have been one of the ones that saw the star and found Jesus, or would I have been one of the ones who didn’t see it at all? What are you facing today that Jesus’ life doesn't give you victory over? Nothing. The same power that is in you is the same power that rose Jesus from the dead (Romans 8:11). Through the Spirit, we have the power to choose joy and we have “Joy to the World” inside of us. Let’s start small, and look for joy. I promise that if the joy you are looking for is Jesus, our Hope, then you will find Joy.

The Most Wonderful(ly) (Anxious) Time of the Year!

It truly is the “most wonderful time of the year,” isn’t it? The trees, the lights, the cookies, the carols, the gatherings, the Christmas coffees, the gifts, and the Hallmark movies are so much fun. Most of the time.

Christmas is the time of year that seems to magnify all of the emotions and all the feels, and I think that is a good thing. If you are sad, feel it. If you are happy, feel it. If you are angry, confused, joyful, scared, worried, feel it. Then, take it to the cross. God says we are made in His image, so if you’re feeling an emotion, ask Him what He is revealing about Himself. Instead of these things making us feel farther away, let’s perspective shift and use them to help us worship Him more deeply. We can praise Him in the beauty and the mess, and trust that when we draw near to God, He will draw near to us(James 4:8). He is the One who brings tidings of comfort and joy . . . comfort and joy . . . oh tidings of comfort and joy. Anyone else want that this time of year? Yes, please! 

I saw a meme the other day that said, “I’m trading my regular anxiety in for my fancy Christmas anxiety.” That made me so sad.  I don’t want to trade one anxiety for another. Jesus came and lived on the earth to defeat sin and death, and all of the ugly things that “the fall of man” produced. Psalm 131:3 reminds us to “Wait, Israel, for God. Wait with hope. Hope now; Hope always!” Let’s rest in Him, and wait with anticipation for our victory.  We always have hope, and every time we see Christmas decorations, it is our reminder to Hope.  It truly can be “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” because it can be all about Jesus. He is Immanuel, God with us.

This season isn’t meant to produce anxiety, the world does that. This season is for us to remember that the baby that came in the manger, is the celebrated King who won the victory over the grave. We have the victory and there is no better time than Christmas to grab a hold of this truth.  There are pictures of Jesus in a manger everywhere, and the whole world is singing, “peace on Earth.” Those are special reminders to our soul that we have Peace, and the good news is that we don’t have to do it on our own.  Isaiah 30:15 reminds us that “in returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength.” We have permission to rest and trust, and in that we will be saved.