You are not a failure

Is anyone else trying to find the peace of Christmas (or perfection)in the midst of Christmas parties, sporting events, finals, Christmas programs, work, housework, present wrapping, cleaning, baking, and all of the other fun things that come with "the most wonderful time of the year." No pressure, right? I was thinking about this the other night as my 7th grader was studying for his history final. He kept using the word "crucial" to define the Roman government in the 1st century. I figured out that he was trying to say "cruel." I couldn't help but think about how many cruel things in our lives are we carrying as though they are crucial? How many of those things are brought on by our own expectations or harsh self-destructive thoughts. We are cruel to ourselves so often and think that it is crucial to be so, but those words don't have to be related at all. It is crucial for us to stay close to Jesus, and it is cruel to expect ourselves to be perfect. 

Does anyone else go to bed and lay there thinking of all the things you wish you would have done differently that day? Does your mind race about the way you responded to your child, or co-worker, the way you made dinner, the way you lost your temper, the way you said something to a friend, the way a project turned out, they way you "fill-in-the-blank here"? Do you process all of the ways you would have done those things differently? Those days aren't failures because we messed up a time or two. 

So many of us are walking around with expectations of perfection on ourselves, and when 1 thing goes wrong, it ruins everything. Sometimes the best parts of any holiday (or any day) are the moments that don't go as expected. Our family was having our Christmas kickoff celebration, and my mom gave us our word for the year. The word is "Dance," so we were having a dance party. The whole family was dancing, and I was getting a great video of it. I stepped up on my sister's chair, that I didn't realize was on wheels. I flailed around, let out a loud noise, and fell on my face. The dance party stopped and I laid there face down for a few seconds. Some of my family members thought I died, but I couldn't get up because I was laughing so hard at myself. When my family thinks back on the time that I fell on my face, they won't forget that it was during a dance party, and the word this year was "Dance." Hopefully that reminds them to dance, even if they've fallen on their faces.

I've heard it say that "peace begins when expectations end." I would like to take that a step further and remind us where that peace comes from. John 16:33 reminds us that in Jesus we have peace. The world gives us trouble, but He has overcome this world. This world is cruel enough, we don't need to add to it by being cruel to ourselves. Failing doesn’t make us a failure. Those moments, if we let them, lead us to trust in the source of peace and truth. In this season, and in the coming new year, it is "crucial" to rest in His peace. Even if you've fallen on your face, you are not a failure. He never asked for your perfection. Peace can be yours in the midst of all of the expectations. Get up, and remember that you can overcome, because Jesus came. 

A Perfectly/Imperfect Christmas

Just in case I haven’t shared yet, Christmas is my favorite time of the year! Christmas music is playing everywhere, and people are worshiping the Savior (maybe not even knowing it).“Joy to the World,” “Silent Night,” “Go Tell it on the Mountain” proclaim the truth of Jesus. However, every billboard, commercial, and ad shows us what we need in order to have “the perfect Christmas.” If we have the right gifts, the perfect decor, the best behaved children, in the cutest matching jammies, then, and only then, will our Christmas be perfect. Isn’t that the goal?

Sometimes I get stuck on the imperfections of daily life and worry about everything not going as planned. I don’t know about anyone else, but things don’t usually go as planned. Last week the end of my Christmas lights went out on the stairs, so I stopped plugging them in. I didn’t want them on at all if they weren’t perfect. I don’t try to make perfection the goal, but that darn perfectionism tends to sneak in without me even noticing. All of the things that I enjoy at Christmas can also be the things that take away my joy because I become so obsessed with trying to make them “perfect.” The gifts, the parties, the outfits, the pictures, and the concerts are supposed to remind us of Jesus but sometimes they just distract us from the real meaning of Christmas. 

Last night I was at one of those concerts. To be honest, I was not necessarily looking forward to this school concert. Don’t get me wrong, I love all things Christmas, especially the music, but my 3 year old was home sick. Also, it’s just hard to motivate this tribe to dress up, behave, and perform in the middle of the week, let alone in the middle of December. The kids were all dressed up and ready to sing. Then, something happened to me while I was sitting in the audience watching my babies belt out Christmas songs. I couldn’t stop crying. All of the emotions of the season just hit me, and I thought about Mary and what the first Christmas was really like. Luke 2:19 says that Mary treasured up all of these things, pondering them in her heart. I was treasuring those moments of watching my kids sing their hearts out, and thinking about how silly it is for me to want perfection. Those little singing babies were so perfectly/imperfect, and I loved every minute. As I was listening to my 3rd grader sing a song called, “How far is it to Bethlehem,” I realized that I wanted to treasure more and perfect less. The answer to the the question in the song was, “its really not that far.” Perfection is not attainable, but Jesus is never far.

I cannot even imagine how imperfect things seemed on that first Christmas. Nothing was nicely tied in a bow and placed systematically under a tree, and yet Mary treasured it all. She stored it away because she knew in her heart how wonderful that day truly was. 

So this year, can we help each other remember that Jesus is right here with us, and the whole point of Christmas is not perfection, but Jesus’ birth? Can we be more like Mary and treasure and ponder in the midst of the imperfectly perfect nights? I’m leaving my half lit lights up and I am plugging them in every day to remind myself that it doesn’t have to be perfect to celebrate the child in a manger who is our Prince of Peace.

Joy to the World?

Browsing through social media for 3 minutes reminds us that there are tragedies all around us. The news is full of real life stories of loss, sadness, and pain. Our own personal lives have stories that we have shared (or kept to ourselves) that don’t have happy endings. So, how do we find joy, especially during Christmas?  

I have always wondered how people walk through the death of a child or a really hard situation with their kids, and still hold on to joy. Well, I had an opportunity to learn. We faced one of the hardest seasons of our life not too long ago, and I had to learn how to choose joy. Our second born was in a really hard season, so hard that it lead us to placing him in a residential treatment facility for a 1 year program. Everything in my life was turned upside down. I prayed so many prayers for my son, and it felt like God wasn’t listening. I really struggled finding God in the midst of a situation that felt so hopeless. Yet God met me in my hurt and my pain in such a real way, that I couldn’t deny that it was Him. I was sad and broken-hearted, but God reminded me that my circumstances aren’t where my joy comes from.  

It seems like every conversation I have had lately is about they heaviness of the burdens people are carrying. So many people have prayers that are seemingly unanswered, but are they? We live in a world that tells us that our circumstances lead to our happiness, but more often than not, its our pain that leads us to a place of answered prayer. 

Joy is truly found when you look for it. How many people missed out on the importance of Jesus’ birth? I like to ask myself if I would have been one of the ones that saw the star and found Jesus, or would I have been one of the ones who didn’t see it at all? What are you facing today that Jesus’ life doesn't give you victory over? Nothing. The same power that is in you is the same power that rose Jesus from the dead (Romans 8:11). Through the Spirit, we have the power to choose joy and we have “Joy to the World” inside of us. Let’s start small, and look for joy. I promise that if the joy you are looking for is Jesus, our Hope, then you will find Joy.