Mother's Day is a day that brings a lot of mixed emotions for me. If it weren't for the work of 3 other women, I wouldn't be celebrating. In fact, I would probably be very depressed. I love celebrating with my kiddos and I love seeing them grow and change just like any other mother. However, as a foster/adoptive mom, there are 3 other women who had that role before me. Sometimes I like to use my imagination and pretend like I have had each one since the beginning so that I could shield them(and myself) from any hurt or pain, but Mother's Day reminds me of the gifts I have been given as well as the reality of the brokenness that comes with this life.
So, I thought I would share a small glimpse of what this looks like with my family and friends. Here it goes:
My almost 7 year old was being really silly and having a hard time calming himself down yesterday morning(Mother's Day). So, I called him in to my bathroom to chat with me as I got ready for church. I asked him what was going on and why he was having such a hard time obeying today. He said, "I miss mommy _____________"(leaving name out for privacy). In my mind I thought, "of course, it's Mother's Day." He came to us at 4.5 so he had the most time with his bio-mom out of all of our kids. I said to him that I bet he does and asked him what he would get her for Mother's Day if he could. He pointed to my makeup bag and said, "this". I asked if she liked wearing makeup, and he said that she would when they had their visits. I explained to him that I was thankful for her and that if she never would have had him in her tummy and been his mommy first, then I wouldn't get to be his mommy now. That was when he made my heart melt by saying, "that's what I'm going to give her for Mother's Day; I'm going to be thankful for her." I hugged him and told him that I love him so much, and he went on his way. He actually had an awesome day after that. So much going on in his sweet little head, and he just needed to be heard.
This made me remember one day when I was having a hard day with my oldest 2. I took them for a walk because we all needed some fresh air. I had read a devotion that morning about being the perfect mom for the kids you have, not being a perfect mom. During my walk, I stopped the stroller and got down in front of my then 2 and 3 year old. I looked at them and said, "I am the perfect mommy for you and you are the perfect kids for me." Obviously, I was speaking mostly to myself. So, yesterday reminded me of this little walk and the journey of mothering that I have been on. I don't have to be a perfect mom, I just need to be the perfect mom for my kids. While remembering that they are the perfect kids for me. The blessings and challenges are there to help me grow, not to make me crazy. I have to admit, sometimes I don't deal with this as well as I could, and I just need a good cry. Most days, I can say that I am truly thankful for the way that God has created my family and I love being a mommy to this crazy crew.
I hope everyone had a fabulous Mother's Day! It doesn't matter how your family came together...it is a blessing and it is perfect for you!
"This is the day that the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24
Monday, May 14, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
The sanctity of a birth story
One of my joys in life is the fact that I get to be a mom! Maybe a lot of people think this is silly, but for as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom and my dream car has always been a mini-van. There are days where I remember that this is what my heart has longed for, and then there are days when I really need to remind myself that this is what I prayed for.:)
Jason and I celebrated our ten year anniversary this past summer, and we spent some time talking about what we dreamed about 10 years ago. Life didn't go the way we planned, but it's so much richer, deeper, better, and crazier than we ever could have planned!! One of the things that we didn't plan was the way we would become parents. We've never been able to birth children, but we have children "of our own". We have 5 kids...2 adopted almost 7 years ago, 2 that will be legally adopted finally this spring, and 1 sweet baby that we are "fostering". I don't care about their title...they are mine, because God chose me to love them for however long they are in my home.
Something that I struggle with is protecting the sanctity of their birth story. All 5 of my babies are miracles! They all have a beautiful story of redemption and grace...but so does every child. From what I hear, the birthing process is not easy. Each child is a beautiful testimony that miracles still happen on this earth! So, when people come up to me and want details about my children's history I have to assess: Are you asking me this because you care about my child, or are you asking this because you want to judge a birth parent? Forgive me for my diatribe, but yesterday I had a woman I barely know come up to me and say, "I hear you are fostering..."and proceeded to tell me things that she had heard about my baby. Here's the thing, these 5 kiddos are not the sum of a sad story. We all have a story to tell, but it's ours to tell. I want my kiddos to have their own story to tell. We have always been very open with our kids about their story, and that they are here through the miracle of adoption, but in a way that protects their heart and gives a hope and a future. I want their story to be a part of who they are, not the defining moment of their life.
Adoption is beautiful and amazing and I love that God uses it here and now to show his love for the "fatherless". In our home we have 5 kids who could have been defined by that term, but they aren't! They have been given an earthly father(and mother) who loves them like crazy, and we get to share with them the love of an eternal father...because in this life we all can feel many emotions about our "birth story". We live in a broken world with lots of sad stories. We don't have to be defined by them. We can face the day like the miracle we are, or we can let "our story" define us. I know what I am choosing! And I am also choosing to pass this a long to my kids!
I'm protecting the sanctity of their birth story, not because of the miracle, but because in it I choose to worship the "Miracle Giver."
"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us." Eph 1:4-8
Jason and I celebrated our ten year anniversary this past summer, and we spent some time talking about what we dreamed about 10 years ago. Life didn't go the way we planned, but it's so much richer, deeper, better, and crazier than we ever could have planned!! One of the things that we didn't plan was the way we would become parents. We've never been able to birth children, but we have children "of our own". We have 5 kids...2 adopted almost 7 years ago, 2 that will be legally adopted finally this spring, and 1 sweet baby that we are "fostering". I don't care about their title...they are mine, because God chose me to love them for however long they are in my home.
Something that I struggle with is protecting the sanctity of their birth story. All 5 of my babies are miracles! They all have a beautiful story of redemption and grace...but so does every child. From what I hear, the birthing process is not easy. Each child is a beautiful testimony that miracles still happen on this earth! So, when people come up to me and want details about my children's history I have to assess: Are you asking me this because you care about my child, or are you asking this because you want to judge a birth parent? Forgive me for my diatribe, but yesterday I had a woman I barely know come up to me and say, "I hear you are fostering..."and proceeded to tell me things that she had heard about my baby. Here's the thing, these 5 kiddos are not the sum of a sad story. We all have a story to tell, but it's ours to tell. I want my kiddos to have their own story to tell. We have always been very open with our kids about their story, and that they are here through the miracle of adoption, but in a way that protects their heart and gives a hope and a future. I want their story to be a part of who they are, not the defining moment of their life.
Adoption is beautiful and amazing and I love that God uses it here and now to show his love for the "fatherless". In our home we have 5 kids who could have been defined by that term, but they aren't! They have been given an earthly father(and mother) who loves them like crazy, and we get to share with them the love of an eternal father...because in this life we all can feel many emotions about our "birth story". We live in a broken world with lots of sad stories. We don't have to be defined by them. We can face the day like the miracle we are, or we can let "our story" define us. I know what I am choosing! And I am also choosing to pass this a long to my kids!
I'm protecting the sanctity of their birth story, not because of the miracle, but because in it I choose to worship the "Miracle Giver."
"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us." Eph 1:4-8
Friday, January 6, 2012
New Year's Resolutions
Today when I woke up, I knew I wanted to update my blog. It is one of my New Year's Resolutions...I want to be a blogger. I started this blog about 4 years ago and I have blogged 5 times. It has been over 2 years since I have blogged and A LOT has changed. 2 years ago I had 2 kids. Now, I have 5. 2 years ago coffee was a treat. Now, coffee is a necessity. 2 years ago I thought a trip to the grocery store was a process. Now, a trip to the grocery store consists of 2 carts lots, of food and formula, and many helpers. 2 years ago I thought I loved my husband A LOT...Now I see that my love and respect for him continues to grow and grow and grow! Our journey in parenting feels like kind of a mix of a circus, a roller coaster ride,a school, a coffee shop, a bakery, and a hotel, etc.
When I woke up this morning I heard baby girl(BG) making noises so I got out of bed to check on her. I saw that the sun was shining and thought, "It's going to be a great Friday". I go to walk out of my room and our 6 yr old (who loves trucks...so we'll call him Big Truck, or BT) came up to me to give me a big hug and to tell me that he loved me. awww... Then, all of a sudden I felt my foot being grabbed by a bag that was on the floor. It entangled me and propelled me forward. I'm still holding on to BT and I tried to move him out of my way. I'm sure shrieks of horror were coming out of my mouth. As I move BT out of my way I realize inertia has set in(an object in motion stays in motion until something stops it). I was the object, and the something that was about to stop me was my seven year old(Moose). I grabbed him and we danced around in what probably looked like some wild animal dance and I fell. I knew I was about to land on him, so I leaned him to the left and took the blow to my right hand. I just stayed on the ground in a pile of laughing and crying. I realized I was ok, and I got up. Moose had a minor injury to his mouth from moving him out of the way. Then I hear my hubby telling my 8 yr old (D) not to laugh. He said he wasn't and that he knew it wasn't funny. Then taking my almost 2 yr old(Monkey) up to play time, I bent down to look for something under his train table and realized, I also have a skinned knee.
I'm telling this story:
1)because it includes every member of my family
2)because it consists of me being vulnerable...which is another New Year's Resolution
3)I guess it's pretty funny because when I called J, he had just finished telling his boss:)
When I woke up this morning I heard baby girl(BG) making noises so I got out of bed to check on her. I saw that the sun was shining and thought, "It's going to be a great Friday". I go to walk out of my room and our 6 yr old (who loves trucks...so we'll call him Big Truck, or BT) came up to me to give me a big hug and to tell me that he loved me. awww... Then, all of a sudden I felt my foot being grabbed by a bag that was on the floor. It entangled me and propelled me forward. I'm still holding on to BT and I tried to move him out of my way. I'm sure shrieks of horror were coming out of my mouth. As I move BT out of my way I realize inertia has set in(an object in motion stays in motion until something stops it). I was the object, and the something that was about to stop me was my seven year old(Moose). I grabbed him and we danced around in what probably looked like some wild animal dance and I fell. I knew I was about to land on him, so I leaned him to the left and took the blow to my right hand. I just stayed on the ground in a pile of laughing and crying. I realized I was ok, and I got up. Moose had a minor injury to his mouth from moving him out of the way. Then I hear my hubby telling my 8 yr old (D) not to laugh. He said he wasn't and that he knew it wasn't funny. Then taking my almost 2 yr old(Monkey) up to play time, I bent down to look for something under his train table and realized, I also have a skinned knee.
I'm telling this story:
1)because it includes every member of my family
2)because it consists of me being vulnerable...which is another New Year's Resolution
3)I guess it's pretty funny because when I called J, he had just finished telling his boss:)
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